then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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