Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
