is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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