did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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