where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
