I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
