apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
