This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Randomize