K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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