i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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