it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
This baby is an asshole
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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