Me. At least after what I've been through.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
