I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
