There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
