I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
