I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
