What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
