just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize