Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
