forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
