Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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