i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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