I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
BRING THE BAGELS
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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