im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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