So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize