At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
