I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
