no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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