I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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