god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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