i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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