she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
