never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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