You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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