I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
FUCK WHALES
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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