she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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