remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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