What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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