Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
it's like heaven, but drunker
they're like a gay fantastic four
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
