i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
