So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
