I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
