he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
This is my gift to your gina
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Randomize
