I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
