that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
