It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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