about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
