WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
