i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
