FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
