I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
