if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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