I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
