I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
This baby is an asshole
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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