so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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