I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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