just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
