she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
