This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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