Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
