you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
