What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
