So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
