I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
