even my farts smell like vagina
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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