I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
