yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
sarcasm needs its own font
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
