all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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