So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
