I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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