my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
