He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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