And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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