I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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